Self-Talking for Daily Enlightenment: Tips to improve your feelings

Self-Talking for Daily Enlightenment: Practical tips to improve your feelings

Following a path to a wide open sky of beautiful clouds.

Here is a way to improve your daily feelings.

The other day I heard one person call another person an ugly name by saying, “You’re an idiot.” The speaker was calm and composed and was giving a vituperative critique of the receiver. The receiver was an assistant and looked distressed. Who suffered in that exchange? I can imagine the assistant felt some fear for his job, his sense of financial security, and his sense of approval. I believe he suffered while receiving that criticism. However, I suggest that the man speaking also suffered.

When we criticize by using “you” statements, are we genuinely speaking from our hearts, or are our words an emotional reaction to our thoughts about the situation? Say this out loud: “You are an idiot!” Subtly check your feelings as you say it. I suspect you feel some small twinge of negative emotions even if you’re in an empty room. If necessary, to discern the feelings, repeat this exercise a few times. Subtle emotions can be difficult to notice or feel. However, just because we aren’t catching or seeing them doesn’t mean we aren’t feeling them.

Now that you’ve hopefully noticed that you feel a negative emotion when saying a negative statement aloud, such as calling someone or something else an ugly name, think about who is suffering? Is it possible that you are?

Another way to look at verbal attacks

When we call someone a name, we frequently hope the receiver is suffering because we speak out of our emotions, and, on some level, we want to hurt them. We may also be trying to deflect how we feel or project our pain onto another person. However, we can’t know if the other person feels anything. We can understand how we think and feel, though. And if we feel negative, who do we know for sure is suffering? Instead, is there a way to release the emotional pressure we feel and not cause ourselves suffering? Yes, is the answer. We begin by using “I” statements.

Use “I” to make yourself feel better

The next time you want to call another person or thing a negative name, try saying, “I feel ________”(fill in the blank) instead. “I feel this way because I believed this, and I don’t see this belief happening.” Notice how you feel now. You haven’t insulted the other person, so you don’t have to feel any guilt about attacking a defenseless person. Additionally, you have expressed your position accurately.

Furthermore, you haven’t accused the other person of causing your feelings, so you don’t have to feel weak because you gave the other person power over your feelings. Most importantly, you haven’t caused yourself unnecessary negative feelings or suffering by blaming them for how you feel. You spoke your truth respectfully and honestly. That is the basis of having compassion for yourself and excellent communication.

Going through your day

As you go through your day, practice healthy self-talk. You will have good days and bad days while learning it. However, as you practice, you will find yourself feeling fewer negative emotions each time you succeed at it. Those negative feelings will only continue to decrease with more practice and success. Guess what replaces the negativity? Very positive feeling states of being such as Joy, Peace, and Contentment. You feel better, the other person can feel respected even if you chastise them, and you expressed yourself and position well. I’d call that a win/win solution. Good job.

May your day be filled with Joy, Peace, and Contentment.

Posted December 15, 2014

Updated November 19, 2020

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