Career, Mid-life, and One Way I’ve Found to Move Forward

A picture of a path curving through an open field heading towards a cloud lined blue sky.

My music career was thrown to the wind when I hit mid-life. Mid-life, my mid-life crisis, and my mid-life transition started only two months after I turned forty. It hit me like a brick wall. I went on to spend fourteen months in depression. After the depression started to lift a bit (with the help of therapy and the antidepressant Paxil), I began to deeply exam what was going on in my life. I found in many ways; I felt totally lost.

I’ve regained a lot of my footing since those dark days, but, career-wise, I still feel lost. As I speak with more and more people in coaching or at the talks I’m invited to give, I find the career lost-ness feeling is a pretty common theme.

In my own experience, it now seems that the Universe or God is pushing me to let go of the security I feel in my recording studio business career. I believe that this is happening because my total income from my studio is diminishing. Additionally, I don’t really want to pursue new music jobs unless it’s big composing jobs. I notice I frequently think that ‘I’m about finished with the studio’ as my primary career.

I’m usually okay with that.

What I feel the most concern about is, I haven’t found that my author/coaching/speaking career is filling in the income gaps… yet (I hope). So obviously, the first question I ask myself is, ‘do I really want it to?’ I believe that is an excellent question for me to ask myself!

My friend Tony D’Souza repeatedly asked me in the summer of 2009 while I was suffering the worst of the depression I went through, “What do I really want?” At that time, I couldn’t answer him about my career or anything else in my life. I think I can answer him now… I say ‘think’ because I’m not entirely sure.

Here is the reason.

When I was asleep (pre-forty years old), it was so easy to go about life because I never thought about what I really wanted. I never thought much at all. Instead, I just reacted to the pressures I felt inside and acted out in the way which best relieved the pressure. I never thought about what I wanted, just what the pressure wanted.

Now though, I realize that my studio business could be much more satisfying if I really put the effort into it to take it the direction I truly want it to go, composing. Unfortunately, I don’t have the internal motivation to chase that dream anymore. I would gladly compose for a job that dropped into my lap but I don’t want to chase any down. I have new goals I want to pursue.

Yet, unlike the easy way of relieving the pressure that being asleep afforded me, now my dreams require real motivation. A motivation built out of what I find meaningful for in my life; what are my goals and dreams and desires. This new path of being awake requires me to be actively involved in my life. I have to examine deeply what my authentic desires are. That can be hard to discern.

One way I’ve found to learn about myself and my true desires is to watch myself in action. I watch myself constantly to see what it is that I feel the most passionate about. I notice that audio work only stimulates me a little bit. I’ve seen that composing work leaves me feeling deeply satisfied. I’ve also seen that I feel the most passionate about coaching, writing and speaking. I feel a real sense of satisfaction when I can listen to someone and then ask them questions that help them find the authentic life they want to live.

Throughout this whole site, I talk about how emotions are the key to understanding our motivations. We are emotional beings first, even if we don’t think we are. Thus, it’s just as useful to look at our emotions to find our positive motivations as well as our negative motivations. The critical distinction is to see through the passion and respond to the reality underneath it. Reacting to the emotions I feel will probably not meet my deepest goals. I’ve instead found that responding to the reality under the feeling will always serve me best.

When I look at my emotions in action while writing, speaking or coaching, I feel deep satisfaction. From that awareness, I can then carefully examine the underlying motivations for those emotions and decide if they are authentic to my life dreams. Or are they just an emotional response to some sense of approval, security and or control. In other words, not my deepest goals.

I realize it’s a straight and narrow path. It’s generally not easy. However, since choosing this path of wisdom, I’ve always experienced a life-affirming peace and contentment. I find that to be an excellent way to live even if I do sometimes feel confused about my career dreams.

I hope the reason Emotional Awareness is so important is a bit clearer now. If it isn't, please write to me and let's talk, I'll be happy to learn from you and, hopefully, you can also learn from me. Please contact me here.

Posted April 17, 2014

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