Thirty-eight years later, in late November 2015, the boy was now almost fifty and walking toward a corner on a bitterly cold night. He was going to meet a woman for the first time, and he was running a few minutes late. They had connected online several days earlier, and he had enjoyed their email banter as they exchanged funny stories. As he got closer, he could see there was a beautiful lady at the corner. She was so beautiful that the man didn’t believe she was the lady he was there to meet. So, he looked past her as he gazed up and down the street, searching for his date. “Maybe she is also late,” he thought.

Eventually, he looked at the beautiful woman again, and remarkably, she spoke to him! In the next four minutes, his life changed in ways he could not have imagined. Because in those four minutes, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman. Interestingly, he had also found wisdom; he just didn’t know it yet.

They went into a wine bar by the corner and talked until the place closed at 11. Then they went to a nearby restaurant and talked until it closed at 2 AM. Not ready to end their date yet, they sat in his car in the parking lot until after 5 AM, when they finally said goodbye. He went home feeling amazed and captivated all at the same time. “Sophia, Sophia, Sophia,” his heart sang.

He and Sophia moved in together the following August, then they got married in July 2017, and they settled in for a beautiful life together. She was supportive of his dreams and he of hers. They communicated well and set up communication guidelines to facilitate navigating through difficult conversations. They worked at being present to each other through easy and challenging times, and they created a thriving relationship built on respect and compassion.

During their conversations, they stayed present to each other by putting their automatic reactions on hold to focus on what the other person was saying. They also repeated the other person’s words to make sure they understood them without their personal biases distorting the message. The wisdom in this process became profoundly clear when he experienced a challenging series of events in his job.

A little over five years into their relationship, the man was hosting a series of video meetings for people less experienced with computers, so he tried to make the event as simple as possible. Many of the participant’s expressed discomfort with the online process. During the days before the sessions began, the man sent out instructions and session information. He started to receive emails that seemed to imply that he had failed to make the program simple enough. Unfortunately, the man took this criticism personally, and he felt irate and hurt after reading each email.

Finally, on the second day of the meetings and after receiving another critical email, the man lost his composure, ran down to the kitchen where Sophia was, and starting yelling about the participants.

Sophia took his hands gently and repeated his words back to him while using a calm and peaceful voice. The man’s anger started to diminish. Sophia repeated this process several times until the man’s emotions had de-escalated. He felt amazed by her kindness.

Over the next few days, the man realized that Sophia had been a pearl of wisdom for him, like Solomon, and she had done it lovingly and compassionately. The man had wisdom available to him in her. He had gained some of the wisdom he desired through his wife. Not surprisingly, the man later discovered that Sophia is a Greek word for wisdom.

As you enjoy this holiday season, may you find the wisdom to move through your life with the least amount of suffering. May you find a friend who grants you the space to express your problems without fixing them, your hurts and faults without judgment, and your suffering with understanding.

I dedicate this video to my wife, Sophia. Sophia, I cannot thank you enough for your love, wisdom, and compassion. Thank you for choosing me to be your companion in life. I love you. Happy Holidays Sobonita.

December 25, 2020